Feel free to post jokes here. Those without too many inhibitions but with due respect to net etiquette.
1. Two drunks are walking along.
One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night... look at the moon."
The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."
They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.
"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said,
Sorry , I dont live around here.
2. The 'Corporate' language !!
'We will do it'
means
'You will do it'
'You have done a great job'
means
'More work to be given to you'
'We are working on it'
means
'We have not yet started working on the same'
'Tomorrow, first thing in the morning'
means
'Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !'.
'After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views'
means
'I have already decided, I will tell you what to do'
'There was a slight miscommunication'
means
'We had actually lied'
'Lets call a meeting and discuss'
means
'I have no time now, will talk later'
'We can always do it'
means
'We actually cannot do the same on time'
'We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline'
means
'The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.'
'We had slight differences of opinion'
means
'We had actually fought'
'Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you'
means
'Anyway you have to find a way out, no help from me'
'You should have told me earlier'
means
'Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!'
'We need to find out the real reason'
means
'Well I will tell you where your fault is'
'Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected'
means
'Well you know...'
'We are a team'
means
'I am not the only one to be blamed'
'That's actually a good question'
means
'I do not know anything about it'
.
.
AND FINALLY, THE BEST OF ALL...
.
'All the Best'
means
' You are in trouble
Must read above 18
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Dad, What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the head of the family, so call me the prime minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so call her the government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people.
The maid, we'll consider the working class.
And your baby brother, we'll call him the future.
Now think about that and see if it makes any sense”
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the maid's room finding the door locked, he peeps in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the maid.
The next morning the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
“OK, Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "the prime minister is screwing the working class while the government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”
3. Sardar Jokes
3a, A thief snatches a mobile from a "sardar" and does a runner.
Sardar shouts to him: Run man run, I've the charger...
3b Santa Singh and Banta Singh bump into each other at the hospital gate
Santa Singh: Oye Banta where are you coming from?
Banta Singh: Don't ask yaar. Went for a test and these silly doctors slit my finger just for a cross match(blood) test.
By the way why are you here Santa??
Santa Singh: (looking terrified)........ I am not sure if I want to go ahead with my urine test now .
3c,
letter to Mr.Bill Gates from Banta singh
Dear Mr Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears as it should, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
We are unable to enter anything after we click the shut down button.
There is a button 'start' but! there is no stop button.
We request you to check this.
We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to sit so that we can click that by sitting.
One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
Also there is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this 'find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
Thanks,
Banta Singh
Punjab _______________________
3d
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13 th October
Interviewer: Which year
Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
3e
Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
3f
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
3g
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
Saturday, 25 July 2009
Kashaaya
A joke my music master (who is 86 and now cannot sit down but still wants to teach!) tells us. (We may ask him to stop after I learn the 2nd pancharatna kirthane - Yentharo mahanu bhavu -- absolute master pieces of compositions).
His story ...
Ramanujacharya while preaching his philosophy (near trichy?) got threatened by local tamils and his disciples whisked him away. He ran and setup his mutt in Melkote near mysore. He built many temples and in order to spread his theory he also converted locals and taught them just enough to do the daily puja in the temples. They were called Saatanu? brahmins. Brahmins of regular cadre would not take thirtha from them.
One day the chief minisiter Purnaiah (we are related thru Ragahva mama) visited one of these temples and unknowingly extended his hand for thirtha. To which his muslim body guard I believe shouted and cautioned "Aat Aane se yek kum Saat Ane"
Cheers,
Jagannath
His story ...
Ramanujacharya while preaching his philosophy (near trichy?) got threatened by local tamils and his disciples whisked him away. He ran and setup his mutt in Melkote near mysore. He built many temples and in order to spread his theory he also converted locals and taught them just enough to do the daily puja in the temples. They were called Saatanu? brahmins. Brahmins of regular cadre would not take thirtha from them.
One day the chief minisiter Purnaiah (we are related thru Ragahva mama) visited one of these temples and unknowingly extended his hand for thirtha. To which his muslim body guard I believe shouted and cautioned "Aat Aane se yek kum Saat Ane"
Cheers,
Jagannath
Friday, 24 July 2009
Dharma Cafe
Contributions from self proclaimed chefs at this cafe. I have started with a traditional Madhwa dish but I would welcome international dishes like Mousakka etc etc etc .
1. Heerekhai [ Striped gourd ] Chutney.
Ingredients
Heerekhai[ 2 in number ], Oil , Chunk of tamarind , 3-4 Red chillies , 2 Green chillies , Salt to taste, Urid Dhall.
Procedure
Peel the hard green skin from the Heerekhai and cut the pulp into medium sized bits which should be fried in a pan of oil[ preferably 5 teaspoons] . Fry it for about 10 mins till the vegetable pieces appear soggy [ Sign of being cooked].
In another pan, pour some oil [ 2-3 teaspoons] and fry Urid dhall until it gets golden brown, add cut green chillies and broken red chillies and allow the mixture to fry for just over 2-3 mins.
Now, mix the Heerekhai mixture and the Urid Dhall mixture.
You can also fry them together in the beginning but the reason for the separate frying is to avoid the Urid Dhall to turn black .
At this stage , the mixture can be ground in a mixed preferably with some tamarind which will lend the much needed sour taste to the chutney. Salt can be added at this time.
Let it mix well [ Not too soft- you need the chutney to be a bit coarse] .
Ready to serve.
2. Tea
Are people shocked about a recipe for tea. Some have the luxury of drinking tea from tea powder boiled in water and all that but for people who just get a kettle , tea bags and milk at their disposal, heres a recipe which I think is simple.It will make your tea taste better .
First of all, empty the kettle of water and fill it with fresh water from the tap or the filter[ only the required amount of water as I dont want climate change fanatics up my throat]. Take a mug and put one tea bag in it. Boil the water and add the boiled water to 2/3rds of the mug. Allow the tea bag to settle in the mug for a minute or two. Dont squeeze the tea bag. The time given to settle would have allowed the water to absorb the flavour etc etc. Now , add a little milk to give the tea its pleasant colour. \
Enjoy your tea
1. Heerekhai [ Striped gourd ] Chutney.
Ingredients
Heerekhai[ 2 in number ], Oil , Chunk of tamarind , 3-4 Red chillies , 2 Green chillies , Salt to taste, Urid Dhall.
Procedure
Peel the hard green skin from the Heerekhai and cut the pulp into medium sized bits which should be fried in a pan of oil[ preferably 5 teaspoons] . Fry it for about 10 mins till the vegetable pieces appear soggy [ Sign of being cooked].
In another pan, pour some oil [ 2-3 teaspoons] and fry Urid dhall until it gets golden brown, add cut green chillies and broken red chillies and allow the mixture to fry for just over 2-3 mins.
Now, mix the Heerekhai mixture and the Urid Dhall mixture.
You can also fry them together in the beginning but the reason for the separate frying is to avoid the Urid Dhall to turn black .
At this stage , the mixture can be ground in a mixed preferably with some tamarind which will lend the much needed sour taste to the chutney. Salt can be added at this time.
Let it mix well [ Not too soft- you need the chutney to be a bit coarse] .
Ready to serve.
2. Tea
Are people shocked about a recipe for tea. Some have the luxury of drinking tea from tea powder boiled in water and all that but for people who just get a kettle , tea bags and milk at their disposal, heres a recipe which I think is simple.It will make your tea taste better .
First of all, empty the kettle of water and fill it with fresh water from the tap or the filter[ only the required amount of water as I dont want climate change fanatics up my throat]. Take a mug and put one tea bag in it. Boil the water and add the boiled water to 2/3rds of the mug. Allow the tea bag to settle in the mug for a minute or two. Dont squeeze the tea bag. The time given to settle would have allowed the water to absorb the flavour etc etc. Now , add a little milk to give the tea its pleasant colour. \
Enjoy your tea
Egypt trip
My Wife and myself enjoyed a long awaited trip to Egypt. It is a commonly held misconception that Egypt = Pyramids and the Sphinx. I have to admit secretly that I did hold this belief at a corner of my brain until I set sight on the River Nile at the time of our landing into a city called Luxor. I was woken up by the '' Fasten your seatbelt '' warning which made my eyes to focus on this long river which was feeding the lush green vegetation in the middle of an arid desert like landscape.
Luxor airport == Not spectacular but as we reached our cruise ship, the Nile became closer to me than it ever was. It fed the Egyptian civilization for 4500 years and it was now home to almost 300 Ships literally pouring diesel into its shores .
Luxor - Home to the Karnak temple which is a Sun temple and the largest temple complex in the world. Can you think of similarities between Konarak temple and Karnak temple. I leave it to your imagination. The Karnak temple was huge with massive statues and had reliefs depicting even ancient surgical instruments . Fascinating. The Ancient Egyptians worshiped many Gods and the walls were adorned with culture .
The Gods included Osiris - God of afterlife . His Wife Isis . Son Horus who is a Falcon headed God . They do have a very rich mythology. The temples are obviously not used for prayer as their ancient religion is defunct. Egypt became a Christian country for a while and was replaced by Islam in the 7th - 8th century AD.
The Temple of Luxor stands bang in the middle of town and you can hear the Islamic call to prayer very frequently near the temple as it stands next to a majestic Mosque. We did a sinful act of eating in a Mc Donalds near the Luxor temple . No veggie options unfortunately , hence , fries and a coke hurried into our bellies. The coke didn't quench our thirst as we realized that the temperature was 52 degrees . Hell------
Have you folks heard about a Christian group called the '' Coptic Christians'' - They have lived in Egypt for over 2000 years. They are a minority now. I posed for a photograph with a Coptic Christian who looked no different but I just wanted to. I knew he was a copt as he has the photo of Mother Mary in his shop.
Valley of the Kings and Queens is a testimony to the belief in afterlife held by the ancient Egytians . That is where you see the fabled Tutankhamun's tomb. Superstition prevented us from visiting it . We did enjoy the different tombs in the valleys . Basically, a king would cut a tomb for him and for his beloved in the valley and fill it with all the necessary ingredients for after life including jewellery etc etc etc.
The market popularly called '' souks'' was entertaining . It was full of life like one of our markets in India. Spices in open containers , craft shops , fake papyri shops, artefact shops loads of them with owners yelling '' Amitabh Bacchan, Shahruk etc .
Aswan - Overnight sailing from Luxor into Aswan . Famous for the Aswan dam - Second largest in the world . The building of the dam created the largest artificial lake - Lake Nasser. There is some political history to this [ Suez crisis]. Pres Nasser at that time nationalized the Suez canal to build the Dam bringing him into conflict with PM Heath of Britain. Aswan is also home to the temple of Philae which had a lot of Greek influence to it . The tomb of Aga Khan is also in Aswan . Aga Khan was the leader of the Ismaili sect of Muslims. His tomb was open to the public until some scantily clad women wreaked havoc in the tomb leading the family to close it to the public. We sailed on a Felucca [ Traditional Egyptian sailing boat] which stopped sailing and had to be helped by a motor boat to a Nubian Village tour . Nubians are an ethnic African tribe who are great singers and artists . We bought a beautiful African carving as the artist just about finished giving a life and form to it. We visited a traditional Nubian house and were helped to hold two tiny crocodiles . We also visited a temple dedicated to crocodiles called '' Kom Ombo''.
Abu Simbel
Built by Ramases [ Great KIng of ancient Egypt] . Colossal statues of him and queen Nefertari standing majestically facing Lake Nasser almost challenging the 300 km radius of the magnificent lake. It is a must visit as the statues are carved out of a single rock.
Cairo
Bustling metropolis living in a sense of paranoia created by its military ruler Mubarak. Security everywhere [ Security will be visible all over Egypt after tourists were killed by terrorists - notably the Luxor massacre]. We were driving through cement building until we saw one of the pyramids through the window of the bus but it didn't prepare us for what we actually saw . There are three pyramids . The largest pyramid was massive and it is inconceivable as to how ancient Egyptians could have mobilized tonnes of granite to build this super structure . Time for photos and also to take photographs of poor camels made to pose like models by their masters. The owners run to you for a tip. Giving a tip reaches epidemic proportions in Egypt as you have to tip anyone irrespective of whether they offer a service or not. Just a way of life I suppose. The drive from the pyramids takes you to the Sphinx which stands guarding these three pyramids . It is a sight hard to forget as it overpowers your sense of imagination.
Lunch at a traditional Egyptian restaurant . We are plagued by the same old '' Vegetarian'' issue. They didn't know what to offer us. Sad that our Acharyas didn't go that far, no sight of vegetarians . We were offered Falafel [ Traditional Egytian Vada ]. It was so tasty that we binged on it and satisfied our appetite.
The Antiquities museum at Cairo had an eclectic collection of 4,000 year old Gold and other precious stone ornaments worth billions. Yes, you can also see the mummies . Animal mummies also can be seen.
Khan - el- Khalili bazaar , very similar to the market at Luxor and the same chants of Amitabh etc etc.
Back to our cruise ship. Time to bid adieu to the Nile. Throughout our trip, the one fascination was the Nile. Unfortunately, I haven't seen the Ganges. I have seen the enormity of Krishna , Cauvery and Godavari but never have I stayed so close to a River for a week. It is a common saying in North Africa that if you drink from the Nile, you will visit again. I will surely visit the Nile again and also the Coptic Church at Alexandria [ Yes , the one and only Alexander the Great made it his capital ] and Mount Sinai.
Luxor airport == Not spectacular but as we reached our cruise ship, the Nile became closer to me than it ever was. It fed the Egyptian civilization for 4500 years and it was now home to almost 300 Ships literally pouring diesel into its shores .
Luxor - Home to the Karnak temple which is a Sun temple and the largest temple complex in the world. Can you think of similarities between Konarak temple and Karnak temple. I leave it to your imagination. The Karnak temple was huge with massive statues and had reliefs depicting even ancient surgical instruments . Fascinating. The Ancient Egyptians worshiped many Gods and the walls were adorned with culture .
The Gods included Osiris - God of afterlife . His Wife Isis . Son Horus who is a Falcon headed God . They do have a very rich mythology. The temples are obviously not used for prayer as their ancient religion is defunct. Egypt became a Christian country for a while and was replaced by Islam in the 7th - 8th century AD.
The Temple of Luxor stands bang in the middle of town and you can hear the Islamic call to prayer very frequently near the temple as it stands next to a majestic Mosque. We did a sinful act of eating in a Mc Donalds near the Luxor temple . No veggie options unfortunately , hence , fries and a coke hurried into our bellies. The coke didn't quench our thirst as we realized that the temperature was 52 degrees . Hell------
Have you folks heard about a Christian group called the '' Coptic Christians'' - They have lived in Egypt for over 2000 years. They are a minority now. I posed for a photograph with a Coptic Christian who looked no different but I just wanted to. I knew he was a copt as he has the photo of Mother Mary in his shop.
Valley of the Kings and Queens is a testimony to the belief in afterlife held by the ancient Egytians . That is where you see the fabled Tutankhamun's tomb. Superstition prevented us from visiting it . We did enjoy the different tombs in the valleys . Basically, a king would cut a tomb for him and for his beloved in the valley and fill it with all the necessary ingredients for after life including jewellery etc etc etc.
The market popularly called '' souks'' was entertaining . It was full of life like one of our markets in India. Spices in open containers , craft shops , fake papyri shops, artefact shops loads of them with owners yelling '' Amitabh Bacchan, Shahruk etc .
Aswan - Overnight sailing from Luxor into Aswan . Famous for the Aswan dam - Second largest in the world . The building of the dam created the largest artificial lake - Lake Nasser. There is some political history to this [ Suez crisis]. Pres Nasser at that time nationalized the Suez canal to build the Dam bringing him into conflict with PM Heath of Britain. Aswan is also home to the temple of Philae which had a lot of Greek influence to it . The tomb of Aga Khan is also in Aswan . Aga Khan was the leader of the Ismaili sect of Muslims. His tomb was open to the public until some scantily clad women wreaked havoc in the tomb leading the family to close it to the public. We sailed on a Felucca [ Traditional Egyptian sailing boat] which stopped sailing and had to be helped by a motor boat to a Nubian Village tour . Nubians are an ethnic African tribe who are great singers and artists . We bought a beautiful African carving as the artist just about finished giving a life and form to it. We visited a traditional Nubian house and were helped to hold two tiny crocodiles . We also visited a temple dedicated to crocodiles called '' Kom Ombo''.
Abu Simbel
Built by Ramases [ Great KIng of ancient Egypt] . Colossal statues of him and queen Nefertari standing majestically facing Lake Nasser almost challenging the 300 km radius of the magnificent lake. It is a must visit as the statues are carved out of a single rock.
Cairo
Bustling metropolis living in a sense of paranoia created by its military ruler Mubarak. Security everywhere [ Security will be visible all over Egypt after tourists were killed by terrorists - notably the Luxor massacre]. We were driving through cement building until we saw one of the pyramids through the window of the bus but it didn't prepare us for what we actually saw . There are three pyramids . The largest pyramid was massive and it is inconceivable as to how ancient Egyptians could have mobilized tonnes of granite to build this super structure . Time for photos and also to take photographs of poor camels made to pose like models by their masters. The owners run to you for a tip. Giving a tip reaches epidemic proportions in Egypt as you have to tip anyone irrespective of whether they offer a service or not. Just a way of life I suppose. The drive from the pyramids takes you to the Sphinx which stands guarding these three pyramids . It is a sight hard to forget as it overpowers your sense of imagination.
Lunch at a traditional Egyptian restaurant . We are plagued by the same old '' Vegetarian'' issue. They didn't know what to offer us. Sad that our Acharyas didn't go that far, no sight of vegetarians . We were offered Falafel [ Traditional Egytian Vada ]. It was so tasty that we binged on it and satisfied our appetite.
The Antiquities museum at Cairo had an eclectic collection of 4,000 year old Gold and other precious stone ornaments worth billions. Yes, you can also see the mummies . Animal mummies also can be seen.
Khan - el- Khalili bazaar , very similar to the market at Luxor and the same chants of Amitabh etc etc.
Back to our cruise ship. Time to bid adieu to the Nile. Throughout our trip, the one fascination was the Nile. Unfortunately, I haven't seen the Ganges. I have seen the enormity of Krishna , Cauvery and Godavari but never have I stayed so close to a River for a week. It is a common saying in North Africa that if you drink from the Nile, you will visit again. I will surely visit the Nile again and also the Coptic Church at Alexandria [ Yes , the one and only Alexander the Great made it his capital ] and Mount Sinai.
Welcome to Dharmacentric
Lets start blogging .. What is Dharmacentric?
Dharma actually means '' Righteous duty '' or ''Virtuous path''in Sanskrit .
Hinduism , Buddhism ,Sikhism , Jainism , Zorastrianism all have emphasized Dharma as the correct understanding of reality in their teachings.
Centric is derived from the word eccentric as a few people in this blog will ultimately emerge out of their cloak of normality and become eccentrics.
So, Dharma plus eccentric ---------- Dharmacentric
Lets have fun................
Dharma actually means '' Righteous duty '' or ''Virtuous path''in Sanskrit .
Hinduism , Buddhism ,Sikhism , Jainism , Zorastrianism all have emphasized Dharma as the correct understanding of reality in their teachings.
Centric is derived from the word eccentric as a few people in this blog will ultimately emerge out of their cloak of normality and become eccentrics.
So, Dharma plus eccentric ---------- Dharmacentric
Lets have fun................
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